First, how dare the Legislative Assembly co-opt “May the Fourth be with you” from “Star Wars” fans.
This is the date their virtue signal to save the planet goes into effect in New Jersey with the banning of plastic bags at nearly every level of retail. Of course, it’s more than that. It’s a ban on polystyrene containers in restaurants. It is also the prohibition of paper bags in grocery stores.
Let’s just focus on those plastic bags for that. How do we always designate them in their march towards oblivion?
Single-use plastic bags.
This is a lie. Banning an item and dismissing it as single-use shows no knowledge of the real world. These bags from ShopRite and Stop n’ Shop and everywhere else are rarely “single use”. They are probably one of the most commonly repurposed items in any New Jersey household.
We set out to prove it. We asked Deminski & Doyle listeners to call in with ways they reuse these bags. There was apparently no end to the ingenuity.
I’ll just give you a few examples.
Paul and Gary and many, many others use them to clean up after their dogs.
Jerome uses these bags to line the small trash cans in his house, to pack diapers and sometimes even uses them as low-cost luggage. (You didn’t show the world an IDGAF attitude until you checked into a Ritz-Carlton with some of your stuff in a plastic bag.)
Joe has a job that requires yellow rubber safety boots to be worn over his shoes, which are very difficult to put on. Until he put a so-called single-use plastic bag over his shoes and then slipped into the boots like butter.
Tara takes them to the beach with them carrying snacks for the kids on the way, then with snacks eaten, the wet clothes go back there for the return. This makes them triple-purpose.
Kenny knows people who have figured out how to use it as a yarn material and they make rugs for the homeless. Let a progressive politician be so busy pointing out virtue that he fucked the homeless in the process.
Mair makes a second use of it by dyeing her hair.
Gail swears she uses them on rainy days to tie her suede shoes from the parking lot to the office.
Mark would be lost without them when cleaning out his fridge.
Another Joe sets them up like little car trash bags. Basically so that his car doesn’t look like mine.
Maybe my favorite of them all because I want a front row seat so badly when this happens Angela called to say they were family without shoes. When guests are uncooperative in removing their shoes, she grabs two of these supposedly single-use plastic bags and ties one each over the guest’s shoes.
And if politicians want to ban single-use plastic bags, let them, because I don’t think such a thing exists.
The views expressed in the above post are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.
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